Cultivating Happiness: Tips for a More Joyful Family

What really makes a happy family? Is it the big vacations, the picture-perfect home, or the latest gadgets? Or is it something simpler; like shared laughter at the dinner table and the way we show up for each other every day? After interviewing and working with hundreds of families I have found that happiness in families isn’t about achieving some ideal lifestyle filled with luxury and ease. While those things might bring temporary excitement, lasting happiness and joy comes from something deeper such as connection, purpose, and gratitude. I’ve visited places in the world where families have very little in terms of material wealth; homes without modern conveniences, communities struggling to get by. And yet, instead of sadness, I found something surprising: joy, happiness, and a strong sense of togetherness. So what’s the secret to happiness? Research tells us that happiness isn’t about what we have; it’s about how we live. Here are three tips to increase the happiness and joy in your family.

Cultivate Family Connections- One of the longest studies of the same families, called Harvard Study of Adult Development, emphasizes that strong positive relationships are one of most important factors in long-term happiness. This is likely because positive relationships help us to de-stress and regulate our anxiousness from the difficulties of life. Our family members often become the people we can turn to when stress is high and life is tough. At the end of life many people point to the strength and connection of  their relationships as what is important to them. In families, this means prioritizing time together, deepening emotional bonds, being available for each other in times of difficulty, and ensuring everyone feels valued and heard.

Try this: Make consistent time for meaningful conversations, whether it’s during meals, before bedtime, or on a weekend walk. Set a goal to spend 20 minutes a day with each family member or as a whole family without distractions, lectures, or commands and watch your connection grow.

Focus on Gratitude Over Material Success- Research continues to show that long-term happiness and joy doesn’t come from wealth or professional accomplishments, but from appreciating what we already have. When a family focuses on reducing their wants and comparisons to what others have the more they are grateful for what they have and feel more content. A phrase I find myself repeating within my own family is, there will be people who have more than you and there will be people who have less than you, but choose to focus on being grateful for what you have. Families who practice gratitude together are more likely to experience lasting happiness and joy.

Try this: Start a gratitude habit as a family; for example create a gratitude board where everyone can add notes about things they appreciate. 

Find Purpose- this means identifying shared values and working together toward meaningful goals in your family. This is especially important for teens and young adults in our families as research is showing an increasing number of young people are feeling a lack of purpose and meaning in recent years. It can be supporting each other’s dreams, giving back to the community together, or family traditions.

Try this: Talk as a family what you think will matter the most to you at the end of your life. Maybe it’s kindness, faith, adventure, learning, relationships or service. Then, find ways to live those values out together; such as by volunteering, quality time together, pursuing a dream, or reading a thought provoking book together.

Written by: Jennifer Wilmoth, LMFT

References: 

Arthur C. Brooks. (2023). Build the Life You Want: The Art and Science of Getting Happier. Penguin Publishing Group.

Website: https://www.adultdevelopmentstudy.org/