A mom’s world is often very busy with keeping up with the family schedule, daily routine of home and work, being the problem solver, and fun maker. Even though moms tend to spend so much time focused on the people around them I often hear a deep desire from moms to feel more connected. Why is this? How can a mom spend so much time caring for others and yet still feel emotionally disconnected from the people who matter most to her? If we were to dive a little deeper into this, often the busy schedule and exhaustion is driven by a mom’s desire to connect more with her kids, partner, and friends. As a therapist, I help moms and women discover new ways to seek this connection and stop the pattern of exhaustion and disappointment so many women feel. If this is you or a woman you know, check out these three tips to cultivate connection in a world of busy.
Find connection moments.
We know from years of relationship and attachment research that not every moment is the same when it comes to relationships and building connections. The moments your kids, partner, and friends emotionally reach out are some of the most important moments to listen up, put away distractions, and show up. This can happen in slight ways that hold a lot of weight in building connections such as “play with me,” “help me solve this problem,” “try something new with me,” “help me feel better,” and many more. When you stop to answer, engage, and help in these times it can make a big difference in developing and keeping connection.
Seek out repairs.
All relationships need repairs from time to time when important moments are missed, someone says the wrong thing, or a poor decision is made that impacts how connected the relationship feels. Emotional connection can quickly be restored when you know how to get things back on track. To start a relationship repair, ask, “What did I miss?” and “What do you need from me?” Once you know what is needed to restore the connection, show this through words and actions consistently over time to repair the relationship. If you have tried this and the relationship is still feeling disconnected, seek out resources and help. Try reading a book or reaching out to a family therapist.
Share.
We tend to live in a supermom culture where moms often feel they need to do it all and take care of everyone. Being a supermom can sometimes fuel feelings of disconnection. Instead, try sharing more. For example, share more of who you are by telling more childhood stories or tell more of what you are passionate about. Share the tasks that need to be completed with your partner, your friends, or ask your kids to help out more. It is easier to feel connected when you share more with the people who matter the most around you and give them the opportunity to show up for you as well.
When moms feel they need to be everything to everyone they can tend to feel more disconnected as their busy schedule gets in the way of opportunities for connection. Not all moments are the same, try putting away distractions during important moments so you can listen to others and share more of who you are. As much as you try to show up well in your relationships, all good relationships will need repairs from time to time, so step into them and get things back on track.
Written by: Jennifer Wilmoth, LMFT